Poor Latvia

WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO!?

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 06:16:56 -0500

I heard legend of place with many potato. I went on long boat ride to search for magical potato land. I rode on horses - three of them, two die - to Riga. I avoid many soldier on way to shipyard. I sneak on rickety boat and hide under canvas sheet. Also under dead dog.

Boat travels slowly for many days, and I have many sicks. Sicks mostly bile because of no food (except dog). But then - boat stop! I wait until is very quiet, and sneak off boat.

What I see is beautiful land. Green grass and green hills. Things Latvian only dream of. There are animals that look like clouds with legs! Can you imagine? I follow these animals to farmhouse. I knock on door. Old man open.

“I am from Latvia. I heard legend of land with many potato. I come to find potato for family to live,” I tell him.

He answer in very strange language I do not understand. It sound like English, but also like old man is gargle. I ask him repeat.

“T’ere aren’t any p’tatoes on t’is fair isle n’more. ‘aven’t yeh heard t’ere’s a famine here in Ireland?”

I walk back to dock and cry. I hide under dog and canvas and cry. I come back to Riga, still cry. I get home, out of tears. Also out of potato.

this is the best blog on all of tumblr, hands down. thank you, poor latvia.

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 09:46:26 -0500

That very kind of you to say. In Latvia, compliments almost rare as potatoes.

No, this is not funny. This is totally immature. And your english sucks.

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 01:15:36 -0400

Famish Latvian never funny. Underfed Latvian often immature.

What is point of yours?

you update more, might give potato

Wed, 22 Aug 2012 21:58:31 -0400

I was on long sojourn for potato. Did not find.

Return, find maybe potato for update.

Tears of joy, I weep.

immature little kid

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 02:38:28 -0400

Yes, I have had before. Are you offer yourself to my family for to eat?

Old Latvian proverb say “Is better to have potato and lose...

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 23:00:05 -0400

Old Latvian proverb say “Is better to have potato and lose than never have potato.”

Of course is silly. No Latvian have potato in first place.

One day Latvian man see friend drink potato juice. “How...

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 22:00:05 -0500

One day Latvian man see friend drink potato juice.

“How you get potato juice? It cost much money,” he say.

Friend say “This not potato juice, is just urine.”

Latvian comedian say “What deal with potato?”Latvian...

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 22:00:06 -0500

Latvian comedian say “What deal with potato?”

Latvian crowd not laugh.

Comedian squint into darkness, to see audience.

There is no crowd. All die from malnourish.

wtf ? poor latvian? are you an idiot or something? twat

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 00:43:46 -0500

I not understand. There Latvian who not poor?

Also what is “twat”? Can I eat?

Latvian girl say, “I want go America one...

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 22:00:06 -0500

Latvian girl say, “I want go America one day.”

Father say, “I send you America.”

Daughter is thank father. Make tears of happy. Father use to salt potato.

Father think moment, say, “Daughter, I no send you America.”

Potato needed more salt.

One day Latvian boy say to father “Father, I have found...

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 22:30:05 -0500

One day Latvian boy say to father “Father, I have found good fortune for I have learn myself to read!”

Father say to son “How am I having such wonderful news? You will get job and make us many money to buy potato!”

Then boy die in night from cholera.

All are sad.

Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead...

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 22:00:06 -0500

Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son’s body.

Can only take two across river at one time.

If leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad.

Also is not good boat.

Latvian is pray for months for potato. Next day potatoes rain...

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:03:06 -0500

Latvian is pray for months for potato.

Next day potatoes rain from sky!

All town dead by potato to head.

Two Latvians are argue over wodka. One say, “For wodka, I...

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 20:03:05 -0500

Two Latvians are argue over wodka.

One say, “For wodka, I give you daughter.”

Friend say OK. Deal is struck.

But he is surprise! She deformed by malnutrition.

How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?Only one. Obtain...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 20:04:05 -0500

How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?

Only one. Obtain light bulb is hard part. You have potato?

Latvian is rub lamp find genii. Genii say, “What is three...

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 20:20:27 -0500

Latvian is rub lamp find genii.

Genii say, “What is three wishes?”

Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato! Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian.

Genii ask, “What is next wish?”

Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad.

Also, was Latvian only lamp.

Now dark.

Latvian man stare at plate full many potatoes. “Is too...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 16:12:53 -0500

Latvian man stare at plate full many potatoes. “Is too good be true!” he think.

Of course too good be true. Is but feverish dream cause by malnourish.

Latvian: Is so cold.All: How cold is?Latvian: Very. Also dark.

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:22:19 -0500

Latvian: Is so cold.

All: How cold is?

Latvian: Very. Also dark.

Why Latvians never play game hot potato?Is silly, potato never...

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:02:05 -0500

Why Latvians never play game hot potato?

Is silly, potato never hot.

Also, no potato.

Latvian woman is give birth to baby. Doctor is say “I have...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 14:04:05 -0500

Latvian woman is give birth to baby.

Doctor is say “I have the good and the bad news. The bad news is the baby deformed, head is look like potato”.

Woman is say “what is good news?”.

Doctor is say “Put baby in boiling water, is eat, and family is no hungry for one more day”.

The mother is nods quietly.